Daily Thoughts

Still Standing…

May 2, 2019 /

Walking a path you never would have chosen can happen to anyone. When that path involves the loss of a child, under any circumstances, the pain becomes tangible. You physically feel the loss. You feel it on your skin, you feel it in your heart, you feel it in your head, you feel it with every ounce of your being.

I would never try and speak on behalf of others on their grief journey, or marginalize the path of someone in the midst of suffering.

Please understand these are my personal thoughts as I navigate my own “unchosen path”.

I have been unconditionally blessed by an amazing support system of family and friends, and they have done their best to consistently be present, even on the worst of days. Compassionate, sensitive, empathetic and sympathetic all in their own special ways.

One of the questions, or statements, that I hear most often is “I can’t even imagine how you are still standing and holding so tightly to your faith”.

Although I would never want anyone to try and earnestly imagine the devastating effects of losing a child to suicide, I have given it my best effort to come up with an analogy to describe, in a very finite manner, what it might compare to.

Imagine you and your child come home at the end of the day and without your knowledge an enemy has preceded your arrival. They have only made their presence known to your child. By deceitful persuasion they convince your child that they should leave, that everyone would be better off without them around. This enemy manages to convince your son or daughter to leave the house without saying good-bye, because “that’s best for everyone”. In essence your child has been kidnapped by a pervasive thief.

Your child is taken to the airport and put on a plane… a one-way flight.

There will be no more phone calls, no more photographs, no more memories made. None.

A couple of hours later you receive a message, a voice, from an unseen source.

Your child is headed to a destination of which no one has ever been and returned to share of its details. It does not exist on any map and GPS will be of no assistance.

But this voice… this voice coming through isn’t that of the enemy.

THIS voice speaks with complete compassion and empathy. He provides a promise, “Your child will be safe and loved eternally”.

His is a voice of truth and not of fear. You are instructed to go outside and look towards the stars…

As you turn your attention upwards a jet flies overhead and you know this is your only chance to say a last good-bye. You watch as long as possible, the lights slowly distance themselves from your gaze. Finally, it slips from your human ability to see or hear any remnants of its existence.

So there you are, standing, alone with an unfathomable emptiness.

Control has left your grasp.

So to respond to the original statement:

Here I am…

“Still Standing” and holding tightly to what I have; my trust and faith that all of His promises are true.

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39 Comments

    • admin

      May 19, 2019 at 2:05 pm

      Sorry for the delayed response…still figuring all of this technical stuff out!
      Thank you for the encouraging words, Love you!

  • Angie Browder

    May 3, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    Your strength and Faith continue to amaze me. Continue to write my friend, your words are beautiful, as are you.

  • Lori

    May 6, 2019 at 4:03 am

    Absolutely beautiful! I know there is a sweet angel in heaven smiling down on you. You are incredible and such an inspiration to so many!

  • David Nelson

    May 6, 2019 at 4:09 am

    Like you’ve said others gave shared, I won’t even pretend that I can comprehend the pain of this loss. That being said, I do understand how you stand up under it and the love that allows you to not only persevere, but overcome. Your faith is a blessing and beautiful testimony. Thank you for being vulnerable and transparent.

    • Jan Archer

      May 6, 2019 at 1:54 pm

      Big giant tears rolling down my face! That was such a beautiful analogy and I am soooo thankful that God has reached down to let you know that Olivia is loved eternally. I hate the enemy and what he has taken from you….from so many. What I cant imagine is how people can do anything without our Lord, much less go through unimaginable loss. I am glad He is with you and that you are holding on to His promises.

      Your words are touching & beautiful. Keep writing and continue to stand!❤

      Covering you & Don in prayer!!

  • Aaron

    May 6, 2019 at 4:17 am

    You are such an amazing woman! Your insight and experience I could not imagine but please know you are a wealth of insight to those that heaven forbid this happen to them and have a saving grace to defend against this evil. I commend and praise your efforts to touch those that can take a stance. God Bless Lori!

    Thank you!
    Aaron

  • Stefanie SG❤️

    May 6, 2019 at 4:43 am

    I have prayed for you daily. That night will always hold a place in my heart. I love you and your eloquently written words. I look forward to what is ahead for you…beautifully and cherished. Always find your positive:)

  • Debra Baer

    May 6, 2019 at 4:57 am

    Beautiful Lori. Your writing is veey captivating. keep writing . Love and prayers always.

  • debbie nowell

    May 6, 2019 at 11:27 am

    Lori, I know God is speaking thru you, it is a very powerful presence of the holy spirit. I pray your blog will help so many others that are going through the same painful journey. God is so amazing and His presences is so real. Keep blogging.

  • Carol Browder

    May 6, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    Your strength is amazing and your faith is true. Our Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Losing a child is without a doubt the hardest loss a parent can endure. My admiration for you and your strength is great. Keep your blog going. You are helping others and hopefully yourself.
    All my love and prayers are with you and Donny.

  • Brandy

    May 6, 2019 at 4:03 pm

    I think this is your path. Every time I read your posts it strikes a cord in me….for the better. It reminds me that we are not alone in this journey and my Wil is at peace….although I miss him so badly it aches I
    Know his pain is no more and I have to trust in God. He is the only reason I’m still standing too. Thanks for sharing your story….know that it is helping others. đź’•

  • Shirley Stephens

    May 19, 2019 at 2:32 am

    Lori, I am so glad that your blog came up on Don’s face book page! God has given you amazing insight and understanding of His truths! He has clearly blessed you with a deep ability to interpret His scriptures! You and Don are on our hearts and minds and in our prayers! Olivia was a beautiful child and she had very,very loving parents! It is very encouraging to see how you are leaning on God for truth and consolation! With love, hugs and prayers, Shirley Stephens (Macy and Megan’s Nana).